He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
