Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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