:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
