being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
