I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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