i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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