Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
