also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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