Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
