I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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