mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
