I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
