Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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