i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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