this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
