I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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