I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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