youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
