my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
