just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
