I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
