New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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