What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
