Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
