4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
