The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
