You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
