There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
