a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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