I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
