im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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