i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
