True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
