wake up i wanna do it froggy style
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
