i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
