just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
