I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
