Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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