All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
