then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
