Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just want to make out with him forever
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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