I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
