Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
