Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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