And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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