I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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