I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
