508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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