Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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