Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
