Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
