Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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