Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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