he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
