**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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