i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
