Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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