She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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