omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
